


Whumptober 2020 - No.5 Where Do You Think You're Going?

by Jakkuor



Series: Whumptober 2020 [5]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, sad shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26850556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jakkuor/pseuds/Jakkuor
Series: Whumptober 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948606
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Whumptober 2020 - No.5 Where Do You Think You're Going?

Kassandra diligently packs her clothes, ensuring each article is folded neatly and unwrinkled. Not that wrinkles will make a difference when she’s out in the wilds, but it’s something to focus on. Something  _ else _ to focus on.

She is numb. There is a hollowness in her chest, a gaping hole where  _ something  _ used to be. And if she thinks about it too much, it starts to hurt. So she doesn’t. She  _ doesn’t.  _

There’s a knock on her door. She doesn’t look up, answering over her shoulder, “C’min.”

“I brought the rations you asked for, dear,” Clara’s voice is soft as she approaches. She sets a sack on Kassandra’s bed. “There’s a couple of waterskins in there too, I filled them for you. Should last a few days, at least.”

“Thank you, Clara.” She chews on her lip for a second - she  _ should  _ say more. The elf has helped take care of her since she arrived. They’ve been close since she was young. “Thank you for… everything.”

“Oh, you don’t have to thank me, Kass. We’re practically family.” 

“I know, I just…”

Clara squeezes her arm gently, “Don’t worry about it.”

Kassandra can only nod, throat suddenly tight. Her hands are starting to shake again.

“I’ll be around if you need anything else.” Clara seems to understand she needs space and leaves her be.

Kass curls her hands into fists, nails biting into her palms. She holds her breath and begins to unpack the sack of rations, sorting out the food. There’s jerky and nuts and dried fruit and hardtack. Enough to last her a week or so. Or at least to get her to the next town, where she’ll be able to restock.

“Kass?” It’s Uncle Tiran at the door now. She still doesn’t look up. “What’s going on?”

She turns to meet his gaze and clears her throat, “I’m leaving.”

“Leaving to where?”

She can only shrug. “Away from here. Maybe out of the country. I’ll see where I end up.”

Tiran takes her hands, “Kassandra, you can’t just leave. You’ve only been here a week, you need time to rest and… and heal.”

She pulls away, “We both know that I can’t stay here.”

“You can-”

“I  _ can’t.  _ You’re in danger because I’m here. I’m- I’m not-” She closes her eyes, bringing one hand to her head and massaging her temples and taking a deep breath. It’s hard to hold yourself together to begin with, let alone when trying to explain all of this.

“I… I blacked out. I killed some of the king’s men when I- when she…” Tears spring to her eyes and she doesn’t even get the chance to try to hold them back. She’s sobbing again, for what has to be the millionth time today. Her throat and chest and head all ache from crying so often, but that doesn’t stop the flow of tears.

Tiran pulls her into a tight embrace, tucking her head under his chin. “It’s okay,” he runs a hand through her hair. “I’ve got you.”

“It’s n- _ not,”  _ she whimpers into his shoulder, breaths sawing in and out of her. “It’s n-not  _ okay!”  _

It’s the furthest from okay. It’s like the ground has shattered beneath her and she’s falling, falling, falling so far into the dark. But everything keeps moving. The world won’t stop for her. She has to  _ move _ , or she’s going to lose more than Liara. 

She manages to calm herself and pulls away from her uncle, still sniffling and wiping at her face with her sleeve. Some knight she is. 

“I h-have to go. They… They think that _I_ did it and they’re going to hunt me down and I c-can’t let them come after you. And if the family finds out you were in contact with me, they’ll…”  
She’s already been disowned. Forbidden to contact her brother or parents. She can’t let her uncle get dragged into it too. Not after all he’s done for her.

His expression is solemn. “If this is what you think you need to do, then I won’t stop you. You can take one of my horses, to make the journey easier.”

“You don’t-”  
“I’m going to, and that’s final.”

She nods, swallowing hard. “Thank you.”

“I… also had a set of armor specially made for you. It was going to be a birthday gift, but…”

Weeks ago, the promise of shiny new armor would’ve thrilled her. But now it doesn’t even excite her. 

“I appreciate it.”

He claps her on the shoulder, “I’ll get the horse prepped for you, okay? Take however much time you need to pack.”

She feels like a broken record, thanking him yet again. As he leaves, she turns back to her packing. The numbness creeps back in as she finishes up, eyes glazing over. It’s easier to zone out. Easier to not be present. She shoulders her backpack and casts one last glance around the room. Nothing else of hers is here.

\-----

After suiting up in her new armor and picking up her sword, Kassandra heads down to the stables. She takes her time to walk through the courtyard and drink it in, bathed in the light of the setting sun. She won’t get to see this place again. Not for a very long time, at least. She has so many fond memories here; spending the summer with her uncle learning to wield swords - even if they were only wooden - and riding horses. It feels like such a long time ago now.

Tiran is stroking a chestnut horse with a black mane. Attached to its saddle are a bedroll and a tent, tightly rolled up. When he hears her approach, he unties the reins from the fence and turns to her, offering them.

“Nelson here’ll get you wherever you need to go. He’s a strong horse.”

“Thank you, uncle Tiran.”

His expression softens and he tugs her into another hug. “Goodbye, Kass. You be safe, alright?” He’s the first to break away from the hug, resting his hands on her shoulders. “For her sake.”

The lump in her throat is back, and Kassandra nods. “I… I’ll try. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He gives her a final squeeze and lets go, though it looks like it pains him.

She mounts Nelson, sliding into the saddle with ease, and looks down to her uncle. “I’ll try to write at some point. If I can find a way to get letters to you.”

“Alright.”

There’s some finality in the way he speaks. So this is it then.

Kassandra snaps the reins, and Nelson sets off at a brisk trot. There’s a prick in her eyes as they start down the path and she clutches at the heart-shaped locket around her neck so tightly it hurts. The last thing she wants to do is go so far from Liara’s resting place. But there’s nothing to be done about it. No way to fix this mess other than to get away from it.

Tears spill down her cheeks as she rides away from the last home she’ll ever get to see.


End file.
